along the journey

Every morning on the news they do a horoscope thing where they read a horoscope that says, “If today is your birthday, you will have a great day and money will fall into your lap, if today’s not your birthday, check out the rest of these…” and they’ll display a chart of all the astrological signs followed by a number 1-10. I don’t know which end is good or bad, but I happened to notice yesterday that my number was 5. I also know that I had one of the worst days I’ve had in a long time yesterday. This morning while I was getting ready the horoscope came up and my number was 5 again. I don’t ever think about this stuff, but I remembered that yesterday was a 5 also. I was ready for today to be awful. It’s no so bad. I’ve been making some progress on an issue that has been plaguing me since Monday, with a deadline of Friday when the guy comes back to get his laptop. Hopefully in a restored condition with no data loss…. don’t guess he should’ve attempted to install linux on his work owned laptop if he didn’t know what he was doing. Guess when you’re the guy ultimately responsible for the fate of everyone in your dept you can do whatever you want with no repercussions….I just hope I can fix it!

I hate when work makes me feel this way. I shouldn’t let it get this bad. I have control over my attitude and how I interact with people, but it’s a giant river of discontent and frustration flowing right in front of me, and I jump in and swim with everyone. I don’t like feeling unheard and unappreciated. With no end in sight. I’m not scared of change, change is good, and should be beneficial, but I feel like I’m in an airplane, going down, without a parachute. The ultimate consequence is me. Amy has complained and expressed her concern about who I’m becoming, and frankly I’m not happy with it either. I’m just hanging on…. trying to wait out the storm… in hopes of better days to come.

I know that’s full of mixed analogies and imagery….

This week is the monthly meeting of the Baltimore Emergent Cohort, absolutely nothing has changed since the last entry I wrote, but I hope that I come out of the meeting as renewed and refreshed as I did last time. it’s definately needed.